In this time of the rainy season in the Philippines, sickness such as common cold, flu, or dengue is at large not to mention that we currently have pandemic all over the world. There are thousands of blogs that tell you how to be healthy but what if you want to be sick and not to work? Well, this blog is for you. Here are my 10 effective ways to get sick.
Mess Up With Your Sleep
As per sleepfoundation.org N3 is the stage where your body repairs itself and energy is restored. Try to sleep late or set a different sleeping pattern every day so that your circadian rhythm will be messed up. I know someone that will watch movies until 3 AM and wake up at 08 am then go back to sleep around lunchtime, this is a perfect pattern to make your body confuse and feel weak. Try this for 14 days and you will start getting sick. Bonus: This will also help you to be depressed and miserable.
Do Fast-Food Diet
Indulge in fast-food. In my early twenties, I consumed three big macs a day (breakfast, lunch, and dinner) for six months and I managed to utilize my HMO and Philhealth (Yeah, I am thankful that I was sick so I used my PhilHealth money). Anyways, consume fast-food as much as possible since it contains sodium, sugar from those refreshing fizzy drinks, and fat from those juicy burgers that will make your heart stop. If you are not a fan of heart attack, probably try other food or drinks, other people suggest drinking alcohol for those people who for their liver to be replaced.
Don’t Drink Water
I sometimes drink water just to pull a prank on my liver. There are a lot of selected beverages to choose from. I am not an alcohol guy, I prefer sugar and caffeine to run in my veins and arteries. If you crave water, then choose ice-cold water. Again we want to get sick, avoid lukewarm water. Either to have a cold beverage or hot which will cause you to have GERD which will help you to mess up with your sleep. Last night, I had two cups of hot beverages and my acid reflux kept me at night and now I am writing this instead of sleeping.
Sit Down All the Time
I work for 12 hours a day and the best way to make this situation worst is to sit my ass down for hours. This will make the fat from our body (thanks to the fast-food) trap which causes bad blood circulation. I try not to stand up or do physical activities. Trunk obesity is a good way to get acid reflux which will cause you not to sleep properly. Bonus: The more you gain weight the more you will buy clothes and at least you have more reasons to buy things from Lazada or Shopee.
Do Not Rest
Overwork yourself and try to do more things after work. This is a good way for your body to get exhausted and feel this exciting thing called fatigue. With all the things that you are doing your body can only handle so much which can cause your body to stop repairing itself and start to deteriorate. Remember our body including our brain are muscles and it requires proper nutrition and rest to repair and built it. Removing these important things will make your body weak which is susceptible to different kinds of sickness.
Keep Your Place Dirty
Our environment is also a key factor. Since it is rainy season everything is damped so take this opportunity not to clean your place. Make sure that your garbage is all pilled up where flies and mosquitos will start to infest. Hey, at least you have living things inside your house. The more pests the better, sickness like dengue, and other sicknesses due to these infestations matching with poor lifestyle are the catalyst to get sick faster.
Don’t Check Yourself
When you started to feel sick the best way to handle it is to ignore it. Our mind is intelligent, the moment it detects something wrong like you feel hot, it might send a signal to consume healthy food or take medicine. Try to confuse your body by avoiding any self-check, and avoid equipment like thermometers.
Don’t Take Medicine or Vitamins
This is a billion-dollar scam, these people advertise to consume medicine when sick or take food supplements to be healthy. These are just farces to fool people to buy their products. Our body already consumes nutrients from our daily fast-food diet. Vitamin such as vitamin SS (Sugar and Sodium) which is already there on your cold orange fizzy drink.
Enjoy the Rain
Take this opportunity to get sick during the rainy season, don’t bring your umbrella and make yourself drenched in the cold rain. The cold temperature is a good way for your body to get sick.
Don’t Wear Face Mask
Wearing a face mask prevents bacterias or viruses from coming to your body. Encourage your friends and family to talk very closely so that you can get all the droplets. Better to talk to sick people without a face mask.
Bonus: Be With Sick People
The list is just ten but let us have one more. Let us say your body is healthy and if you really want to get sick then just find a sick person and be infected by it. If you are not a fan of doing the first 10 then you can just keep that and just hang out with sick people. Currently, we are in quarantine to avoid getting sick, try to promote your freedom, and enjoy life without a face mask and roam around like that lady from the sound of music.
Ending and Footnote
So here is my ten effective ways to get sick. This list is for people who want to get sick. For those people who want to be healthy, just do the opposite.
- Sleep properly
- Consume healthy food
- Drink water preferably lukewarm.
- Exercise and do not sit all day.
- Take enough rest.
- Clean your place.
- Check for any symptoms.
- Take vitamins or medicine (at the first sign of symptoms of flu)
- Avoid getting wet from the rain.
- Wear face mask
- Avoid going out or distance yourself with sick people.
The world has so many problems, and the world is not asking you to fix these problems. Just don’t be part of the problem is enough.
Ian Tanpiuco, ESL Teacher, Content Creator and Virtual Assistant.